this boner is exhausting
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
