im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
