His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
