his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wear drunk well.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
