I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
