i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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