dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
