Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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