If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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