So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
