the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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