i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
