I just pynch a tree in the face
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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