3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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