my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
