take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
