Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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