I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
