She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
