If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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