I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
