that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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