i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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