At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
