I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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