Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
