lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
