I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
