i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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