if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
