I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
send nudes
from the living room?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
