If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
