We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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