you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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