do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
