so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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