saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Porn is love you can see.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
