We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
