I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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