I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
