i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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