Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
