i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
