Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
