I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You can't special order awesome
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
