I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
