it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
