omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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