She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
