apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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