whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
