I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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