do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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