JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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