do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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